Looking back to being born in the night
Of still, warm air and too shallow water,
It’s no longer you that I miss, no longer
Your beauty that stirs me, no longer our
Story I want to tell or our past recapture.
I miss the self I left lost in the moments
We scattered like dust motes in a wind
That was always blowing between us,
The self I chose to leave behind with the
Fading memory of a girl high on a wall.
Your heart can break and die and fall to
Pieces like bloody shards of empty glass;
The dark can last a hundred solid years,
Dull as sand and yet like sleight of hand,
Someone new may suddenly dawn for you
And all the rest of your days may be borne
By a weightless river in a full new heart.
Every secret is a lie in disguise
And every truth is one with a gun
Every road is the same in the end
And the end is the place I began
Ignorance is the greatest of gifts
Blindness the sleep of the just
I’ve seen the end before it starts
And tasted ash before its spark
All the heart goes all to waste
When you’ll be gone before I wake
Run out of words for love,
Its song falls silent when
You go, leaving a stone
That cant’t stomached
But has to be swallowed.
The falling in is a deep
Dive out of the warm light
And into a collapsing well
That thunders into itself
As the water waits below.
Love is hard and strong
As a warrior’s heart, but
It beats and breaks inside
A skin like candy glass
And wishing to hold fire.
Everything’s an illusion,
And I imagine myself in
The ordinary world of senses;
But this feeling like a knife
Is something I can’t let go.
The thought of you fills
And kills me like a drunken
Madness whether warmed
By your presence or chilled
In the absence of everything.
Each candid, careful mention of a lover or dalliance
Opens my mind and closes my heart, falling
Like a shadow of ice, a grinning lictor pointing
To a precipice, sly invitation to sad self-destruction.
This love is deep enough to drown itself, sweet
As poison, and all I have in a world I cannot
Understand, a life I sometimes cannot live,
And a sunlike woman I cannot hope to hold.
In a world blessed with all the beauty we can know,
But that is also by turns alien and hostile – subjected
To lives fragile as paper lanterns caught in a stormy
Sky and on turbulent waters, I have for now a place.
In you a warm sun, joy and peace, are the contestants
In a game of love I long to neither win nor lose, shelter
Without any walls or roof but the lofty vault of heaven.
Blind caresses show me a way, the low door in the wall
That has always been waiting, tomorrow and tomorrow
By magical accident, the coincidence of desire and fate.
High on the wall standing between tomorrow
And yesterdays heavy as gold light as an arrow
I find and sift a collection of gilt-laden objects
Fingerprints and photos of the living and their dead
In a photograph
She sits on a high ruin wall
Sadly smiling at the crystal eye
Night falls unseen
In the other world she’s departed
While shadows reach the valley floor
“Stranger, where is she?”
I ask the fleshless dark
But neither dreams nor answers come
Just the memory
Of summers fallen down a well
And shining from depths below depths
I do and don’t return
To a place a barely know but need
Beyond finding, always out of reach
It’s safe in silver oxide somewhere